Day 138: values

Interesting time at church this morning has challenged me to think on my values and check they are right. It was quite a massive tough message… but about some specific and quite scary prophecies… and without going into that really the outcome of my tangent of thought was that its made me think even more so that the financial climate we have and the control Britain ‘thinks’ its getting over itself is all a bit false and that really things are going to get worse. Its quite a reality check what has happened in Haiti… actually… we have all these intelligent men fighting to gain control over this country and trying to maintain the standard Britain is used to without anyone feeling wobbly if at all possible… then an earthquake just wipes out a huge part of a country… makes you realise just how weak and helpless these ‘powerful’ people really are and how little control they’ll ever get.
So what would it be like if we paid our debts, if I got paid or we came into a massive fortune?… actually that thought scares me even more than struggling on as I am doing. I’m scared of what I might be like if money came easily and I allowed myself to sit back and enjoy it. I hope I remember that. I would like to be out of debt… not because I have to pay it back… but because it has control and hold over me. I would like to not get bank charges… because they really irritate me and I hate that they just arrive and I have to pay them. But I can honestly say I’d rather not pay it all off if it means I get greedy or lazy. I already know I must hate my own attitude- I hate the attitude of some people around me when they’re so complacent or moan about their finances when they have so much more than we do… and fail to see how rich they really are and I know that we have so much more than other people so I know I should hate my own attitude! Its so hard to get hold of that… Holly is trying to understand how she is the only one of her class to have packed lunches because we can’t afford dinners … but I won’t let her say that we are poor. we are some of the richest people in the whole world.

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