I realise why I am enjoying this journey of thought so much… Money is still something we don’t talk about. As deep insecurities in my self worth and the issues around sex and relationships are something I talk about as a job and have little processing left to do on these issues its not as fun to write about them… but money is just as private a thing to most people I’ve met. My family NEVER discussed money with me. My dad took care of all the bills and would never discuss income with us, bills or payments. Mum may have known about these things but also would never tell me how much things cost. I don’t know why… some poeple are just private about money. As much as they are lovely, generous people and its not that I want to put any blame their way but I did leave home into the big wide world with NO IDEA how much it cost to live. As my dad sorted even my fees and accomodation whilst I was at uni I didn’t even learn then so because everyone else was getting loans and credit cards – I didnt realise I didnt actually need one so I’d just go shopping after practically every lecture. Some would say I was stupid – yes – basically you’re right. But why is it that we can’t talk frankly about money.. people are so defensive. We want people to think we are rich – that we have everything we need, yet we always say we don’t have enough and would never say we were rich. We all complain about not having enough whilst simultanously putting on a show with our lifestyles, clothes, activity, generosity which is all to say that we do have more than everything we need. Wierd!
And strangely though I live in a society where my friends and I are open to challenging each other; our attitudes, values, relationships, even the way we bring up children… but I’d find it easier to tell a friend that I didnt like their boyfriend than I would that they were spending an unneccesary amount on their phone bill.
I’d love to be more open with people about it… I don’t have a clue how much people earn… my friends and family… I could take a rough guess if I know what their job could make and so any conversations I have around money are a bit awkward. I don’t know if my £200 a month food budget for our family of 4 (including all lunches) is a lot or a little compared to anyone else – so conversations around that are strange. Someone if you are out there reading this… whether you know me or not… enlighten me… tell me what you spend on food, or how much you’d pay for a new coat, do you run a tight budget… do you talk to people about the real issues you have with money?